"Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God gives thee." (Exodus 20:12)
The first table of the decalogue deals with man's relations with and obligations to his Creator. The first four commandments tell man how and when to worship, and warn against irreverence and impiety in word and conduct. The second table deals with human relationships. These six commandments tell us how to treat one another, and it is therefore appropriate that the regulations of human relations should begin with the family life in the home, the place where society has its origin.
The family is the most important and fundamental unit in society and government. Respect for parental authority and obedience to parental law are the foundation of all order and organization. As goes the home, so goes society, the nation, and the world. The fifth commandment is properly placed at the beginning of the second table, its position thus indicating a divine arrangement. Family relationships constitute the beginning of all human relationships, which are set forth in the second division of the law and have been appropriately called "the six pillars which uphold the social order of the world." Since the fifth commandment deals with obedience to all lawful authority in that formative period of life when characters are molded and destinies are determined, how true is the saying that "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world."
Because in so many ways the parents stand in the place of God to their children until they arrive at the age of discretion and accountability, the fifth commandment is closely related to the first four. It has been spoken of as the bridge that connects the two tables of the law. During the earlier years the parent is to the child what God is to the adult--the lawgiver, the overseer, and the provider. The fact that the attitude of the child toward the parent determines his attitude toward God in later years gives the fifth commandment a double significance. When the home life is what it should be, the children are almost certain to fulfill both tables of the law and respect both divine and human authority.
Since true morality is impossible without true religion, proper human relations have their root in the relations that should exist between the human and the divine, as set forth in the first table. The foundations of both religion and morality are laid in the home, and therefore the fifth commandment occupies a significant place in the bosom of the decalogue. The close relationship between the fourth and fifth commandments is indicated by Leviticus 19:3: "You shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep My Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God." Reverence for the Sabbath must begin in the home, where respect for divine and human law has its origin.
Another evidence of the importance of this commandment is the fact that parenthood is copartnership with God in the work of creation. Reproduction is a form of creation. What greater honor could God bestow upon human beings than to share with them the power to perpetuate His creative works? This realization of the holy functions of parenthood will place marriage on a moral elevation seldom recognized in this world of sin. It will give a sacredness to family relationships that will ennoble and dignify the marriage institution, which is being trampled into the dust.
The Law of God
While the decalogue is divided into two tables and ten commands, it is one law--the law of God. Even though the second table deals with human relations, its commands are nevertheless the commands of God, the violation of which is sin, and the wages of which is death. Sin against man is primarily sin against God. While the first table is the foundation of the second, both are part of the same structure. The same God who said, "Thou shall love the Lord thy God and "Him only shall thou serve," also said, "Thou shall love thy neighbor as thyself." It is impossible to properly love and serve one another until we first learn to love and obey God. The true relationship between parents and their children is based on the relationship between God and the human family.
Children should therefore honor their parents, who symbolize God to them during the earlier years of life. They owe their very existence to their parents, are made in their image, inherit their characteristics, and depend on them for the things that sustain life. How could there be, therefore, a more binding obligation of honor than that which children owe their parents? It is so primary and fundamental that the attitude toward all other commands of the decalogue is affected by it. Obedience to parental law directly affects every other relationship in life.
Family Government
Paul declared that "the powers that be are ordained of God," and this applies to family as well as national government. The family is a divine institution, having been established by God Himself in the Garden of Eden before the entrance of sin. With the first family, human society had its beginning. As His Representatives, parents are clothed with divine authority to rule the family government. Rebellion against parental authority is therefore rebellion against God.
It is true that some parents do not merit the honor and respect of their children, and this is often used as an excuse for disobedience. But this cannot entirely excuse disobedience and neglect. There is a moral obligation that can never be ignored regardless of the circumstances. Let us turn the tables and consider what would happen to the home if parents would fulfill their obligations to their children on the basis of their conduct and character, regardless of blood relationship and its binding claims. Suppose parents loved and cared for their children only if or when they were lovable and angelic in character and disposition, and excused themselves of all parental responsibility when they were naughty, disobedient, and even devilish?
The golden rule applies to both parents and children. Neither are perfect enough to deserve all the respect and attention required by the law of God. To use the character and conduct of unworthy parents as an excuse for refusing to honor them with obedience while recipients of their care, or refusing to see that their wants are supplied in old age, is not only a most cowardly act, but it is also a well-nigh unpardonable sin that will not go unpunished in the judgment.
The obligations of the fifth commandment include the entire life of the children. In fact these obligations can never be entirely liquidated, even after the parents are dead. After the children leave the parental home and establish homes of their own, they are not released from the duty to honor father and mother. The days of obedience ma cease but the days of honor never end. The command includes adult life as well as childhood. It sets forth a mutual obligation: that of parents to their children while they are young and needy, and that of children to their parents when they are old and needy.
The infirmary is no place for parents of living children The obligation of care rests primarily on the children and not on public charity or the church, society, or government. And it must be evident to all that as long as children remain in the home of their parents, regardless of their age and experience, they are under obligations to them that demand respect for their wishes. They have no right to become too willful and independent as long as they dwell under the roof and accept the favors of their parents. Under these circumstances children should show at least as much consideration for their parents as they would as guests in the home of a friend.
Meaning of Honor
Honor involves more than mere obedience. It includes affection, respect, and reverence. It means to hold in high esteem because of a recognition of superiority. While no parents in this world of sin are entirely perfect, they are usually more so than their children, and they therefore deserve the respect and courtesy due to superiors. Parents should be honored by their children first of all because of their greater knowledge an fuller experience. Time and experience are very important factors in the attainment of real knowledge and superiority, and can never be supplanted by even a better school education. Because children have had better education advantages than their parents does not prove that they know more.
Children who receive a better education due to the efforts and sacrifices of the parents, and then break their hearts by an attitude of superiority and feelings of shame, are of all creatures the most mean and contemptible. Regardless of school advantages, parents learn through the very process of passing time, and deserve respectful attention when they speak.
Unfortunately it has always been the attitude of the oncoming generation to consider itself superior to the old, but we must ever remember that progress is slow and that nearly everything worth while in every age came down from former generations. Wisdom was not born with the present generation nor will it end with its passing. We always learn from our elders more than we discover for ourselves, and should therefore respectfully and courteously rise up before the hoary head and recognize its "crown of glory," especially if it is on the royal heads of father and mother, the king and queen of the family kingdom.
Results of Honor
Obedience to righteous laws always brings a just recompense of reward. Young children who honor their parents by lives of subjection and implicit, willing, and joyful obedience, will be richly rewarded in later life, and so will the parents whose character and conduct demand such respect and obedience from their offspring. While parental honor always takes on a new form after the children reach the years of accountability, when they must make their own decisions, yet the fifth commandment does not even then become less binding. It is a well-recognized fact that whenever obedience is properly rendered by children during early life, honor is always accorded the parents in later years, when they need the love, care, and sympathy of their children.
This is what the author of the Hebrews meant when he said: "We have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence. ... Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." (Hebrews 12:9-11) Righteousness is the chief reward of children for obedience, and reverence is the chief recompense of parents for discipline. Children who are not controlled and disciplined by their parents while the are young are seldom able to control and discipline themselves when they are grown, and they do not respect their parents in old age. Those respect parental law--usually respect civil and divine law.
The lack of regard for authority-parental, civil, and divine is the greatest evil of the modern world. Selfgovernment has largely broken down and is disappearing, as is evident from the increase of dictatorships in governments on one hand, and the disappearance of democratic forms of government on the other. The breakdown of discipline in the home is largely responsible for the new forms of autocracy that are cursing modern civilization. It is also the chief cause of the tidal wave of crime and lawlessness that is engulfing the nations.
One writer describes the present situation as follows:
"You let children grow up in homes where there is either no authority, or a purely arbitrary one, and you get a generation of lawless people, who respect no authority outside themselves, and have none within themselves. That is pretty largely what you find in my generation. There was a revolt against the arbitrary harshness of our grandfathers, and, as a result, our generation grew up with little or no discipline. And without discipline it is impossible to live a well-ordered life. But discipline must be imposed.'--John H. Powell, The Ten Commandments, p. 66.
Because some parents go to extremes in severity in discipline, there is a great danger that all discipline will be cast aside and the vicious modern doctrine of "self-expression" adopted as a substitute. "Let your own happiness be your own law," is the teaching of atheistic communion, and is the sure road to anarchy and chaos; yet this is the growing philosophy in modern education.
J. Edgar Hoover, director, Federal Bureau of Investigation of the United States Government, said:
"So long as we allow our child guidance to be dominated by sentimental theorists who believe that if a child is chastised it may develop an inhibition which will affect its later self-expression, so long as we fail to recognize that discipline is an essential part of human development, just so long will we have an aimless, directionless milling of the herd which can result only in mental panic and a thorough disregard for the rights of society.
"It is time for America to resurrect that standard of discipline which did much to give this country its rugged, stalwart honesty of purpose, its determination, its achievements. I refer to that parental discipline and guidance which did so much to create law-abiding, successful, and forward-looking citizens. Too long has that oldfashioned standard been transformed into the wine card of the cocktail bar; into the sapient belief that an immature mind can be granted utter freedom of action without disastrous results. ...
"The parent who allows any child to run willy-nilly through life obeying every selfish impulse, following the wild ravings of any agitator who orates from a soap box on the corner, is not only doing a foolish thing, but is doing a manifestly unfair and unkind act to the child. It is not generous for a parent to turn its offspring free from all fetters and allow it to run wild in a world which contains as many jungles of criminality as does ours."--"Wanted: Discipline and Guidance in the Home," The Watchman Magazine, January, 1942.
Includes All in Authority
While the fifth commandment applies primarily to the honoring of parents by their children, in a broader sense it includes respect for all who are in positions of leadership and authority. Children should respect and honor their teachers because, first, they stand in the place of the parents in the work of training and education, and second, they have superior knowledge and experience. In thought, speech, attitude, and conduct, honor is to be shown to whom honor is due, which includes all who are superiors in position and seniors in age and experience. This includes foster parents, stepparents, grandparents, employers, and officials of both church and state.
In both ancient and modern times rulers in various capacities have been called "fathers." Municipal, county, state, and national governments are but enlargements of the family government. The officials of a city government are often spoken of as "the city fathers." The Jews called their spiritual leaders "fathers," as do the Roman Catholics. The following texts give counsel as to the proper honor to be shown spiritual leaders: "Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honor, especially they who labor in the Word and doctrine." "Obey them that have rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you." (1 Timothy 5:17; Hebrews 13:17)
The Promise
Long life and material prosperity and success are promised as the reward of obedience to the fifth commandment. "Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee," is the command with its promised recompense for obedience. Paul declares that it is "the first commandment with promise." As repeated by Moses later this command reads, "Honor thy father and mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." (Deuteronomy 5:16)
This inspired translation of the fifth commandment shows that its promise includes more than long life; namely, peace, prosperity, success, and everything that is considered "well." The apostle Paul gives us another inspired version of the fifth commandment that throws even more light on its scope and purpose: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for that is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth." (Ephesians 6:1-3) The promise must have a threefold application: (1) to the individual in this life, (2) to national life, and (3) to the new earth state when God's people will "long enjoy the work of their hands." The redeemed will indeed "live long upon the earth"; they shall "dwell therein forever." This is the ultimate and complete fulfillment of the promise.
It is also a fact that proper habits of living always lengthen life and increase prosperity and happiness, whether in the experience of the individual or the nation. Obedience to parental, civil, and divine law has always brought a lengthening of days and moral and physical strength to a race or nation. It is the chief reason why the Jewish race is so long-lived. The Jews the world around are noted for the respect and honor shown to parents and old age. On the other hand disobedience and lawlessness always tend to shorten individual and national existence. Sin always leads to weakness, disease, and premature death, whereas nobility of character is crowned with a venerable and honorable old age. It is still true that a "hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness." (Proverbs 16:31) A genuine Christian home is the most noble heritage possible.
Other Scriptures
The fifth commandment is enforced by many other scriptures in both the Old and New Testaments. Through Moses the Lord said, "You shall fear every man his mother, and his father." (Leviticus 19:3) When we consider the time when the decalogue was given and the then prevailing attitude toward womanhood, it is significant that the mother is mentioned along with the father as being worthy of obedience and honor. This is one evidence of the divine origin of the law. In the text just quoted the mother is placed even before the father, perhaps because the earliest part of the training is chiefly her,
The boy who learns to honor his mother in the home will respect womanhood everywhere. It is sometimes said that Christianity has emancipated womanhood, but the seed of this emancipation proclamation is in the bosom of the decalogue. We read again in the Mosaic writings, "For everyone that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him." (Leviticus 20:9; Exodus 21:17) "Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or his mother." (Deuteronomy 27:16)
Children make light of their parents and show them disrespect and, dishonor by speaking of them as "the old man" or "the old woman," or by other terms unbecoming to dutiful and respectful children. This is also true when they make light of their clothes, conduct, or lack of culture and education. The wise man said, "Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness." (Proverbs 20:20)
Although this threat doubtless has special reference to the final fate of transgressors, it also is fulfilled to a remarkable extent in this life. Those who dishonor father and mother will sooner or later come to a bad end. Their boasted light will go out in obscurity. Many a sorrowful parent in old age cries out in bitter anguish, "I have nourished and brought up children, and they have rebelled against me." (Isaiah 1:2)
Many are the gray heads that are brought down in sorrow to premature graves because of disobedient and rebellious children. A profusion of beautiful and expensive flowers together with many tears and demonstrations of grief at the funeral can never atone for willful neglect. David pampered and spoiled his son Absalom, who came to an untimely end and brought forth the cry of anguish from a broken-hearted father, "O my son Absalom, my son. My son Absalom!" The proper discipline in earlier life would have averted this tragic experience.
No one dare say that the fifth commandment became obsolete and is ignored in the New Testament or was abrogated by Christ at the cross. Like all the other commands of the decalogue, the fifth is emphasized and enforced by New Testament teachings and examples. The second Adam did not come into the world as did the first Adam, a full-grown man, but as a babe who had to grow to manhood under the guardianship of parents, so as to be our example through all the experiences of life from the cradle to the grave. Greater emphasis could not be given to the importance of the fifth commandment than that given by the life and teachings of Jesus.
The experience recorded in Luke 2:41-52, when Jesus made His first visit to Jerusalem, shows a very close relationship between Him and His parents. Jesus' answer to the anxious inquiry of His mother as to why He had thus dealt with them was in no wise disrespectful. There is no evidence whatever of a breaking away from parental control. In fact the statement, "He went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them," indicates complete subjection to parental authority.
While the years of direct control and obedience ended with the beginning of His public ministry, Jesus did not cease to honor His mother and provide for her needs. In fact, one of His last acts while enduring the agony of the cross was to make provision for the future care of His mother as long as she lived. (See John 19:26,27)
Jesus also magnified the fifth commandment in His teaching. He severely rebuked the scribes and Pharisees for making void the fifth commandment by their tradition which made it possible for a person to escape responsibility to parents by dedicating his property to the temple or to religious purposes. (See Matthew 15:1-9) It is therefore better to use property in providing for the needs of parents in their old age than to give it to the Lord's work to their neglect. Of course this must not be used as an excuse for not fulfilling our obligations to the Lord in supporting His world-wide gospel work. The statement of Jesus, "In vain they do worship Me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men," shows that in principle all the commandments are violated by those who break the fifth. It is always true that "whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." (James 2:10)
In Ephesians 6:1-3, which was previously quoted, Paul indicates that it will go ill with children who do not obey the fifth commandment. "For this is right," is the reason given as to why children should obey their parents. Like all the commandments of the law, the fifth is founded on an eternal principle of righteousness that is inherent in the nature of both God and man. Some things are right because they are commanded, and others are commanded because they are right. The first is true of many civil laws, and the latter, of the commands of God. Submission of children to parental law is the logical and natural thing.
Again Paul says, "Children, obey your parents, in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord." Colossians 3 : 20. "In all things" is, of course, limited to the things that are right. Parents have no right to command their children to commit sins or crimes. Obedience to the Lord is the first duty even of children. (See Matthew 10:37) Obedience "in all things" in order to be "well pleasing unto the Lord" must be "in the Lord." Why does the Lord seem to delight in filial obedience? Because such conduct sets forth His own virtue and is the soul and law of all His own actions.
The obligations of children to parents and grandparents is again set forth in 1 Timothy 5:4: "If a widow has children or grandchildren, let these learn first to show piety towards their own homes and to prove their gratitude to their parents; for this is well pleasing in the sight of God." (Weymouth translation.) Parents who spend their lives in service for their children when they are young, deserve a recompense from the children when they are old. "Disobedient to parents" is one of the nineteen sins for which "the last days" are designated as "perilous times" in 2 Timothy 3:1-5. Being "without natural affection," last-generation children will be "unthankful" and "unholy." It is evident that all the sins listed in this scripture are the direct and indirect results of home conditions. The home becomes the incubator of sin and the breeding place of crime. Children beginning such a course in the high chair and remaining unchecked, end their careers in the electric chair.
Parental Responsibility
It is evident from Hebrews 12:5-12 that the discipline and training of children should be patterned after the Lord's dealings with His children, whom He chastens because of His love so that they "might be partakers of His holiness." The fifth commandment presupposes a careful example on the part of parents so that they will deserve honor and respect. Parents should ever remember that a correct example is always more powerful for good than precepts. The honor parents receive from their children depends to a large extent on their own conduct and discipline. The more honorable parents are, the more honor they will receive.
"Nothing is more certain than the fact, that, if parents are to be honored, they must be honorable. If obedience is to be rendered gladly and implicitly, it must be to a control that is conditioned in love. Love that is Godlike, farseeing, and comprehensive, love which permits of no present pleasure at the cost of possible future pain; such love can only be where character is in harmony with the divine intention. No father or mother can think right thoughts or plan pure programs for their children unless they, in their turn, are living the life of subjection to God, and are receiving from Him the ordering of all their ways."--G. Campbell Morgan, The Ten Commandments, pp. 58, 59.
All authority, including that of parents, has its origin and source with God, and is only delegated to those in positions of leadership in all the relationships and institutions of men. Children must be taught to respect the authority of God as exercised through parents, for those who never learn obedience to parental law cannot be expected to respect divine law. Only those who learn to obey are qualified to rule. Only those who accept discipline can properly minister discipline to others. Home government is therefore the cornerstone of national government. The peace and prosperity of a nation depend upon the recognition of constituted authority through discipline in the home.
At no time in life can men and women do as they please, and the earlier that fact is learned, the better for the individual. Although the power of love is greater than the rule of the rod, when either children or adults spurn the overtures of love and the appeals to reason, methods of physical force are the only alternative in the family, school, or state governments. It is still a true saying that "he that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." (Proverbs 13:24) The divinely inspired instruction to parents is, "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." (Proverbs 19:18) This text indicates that when the child reaches a certain age it is too late to chastise him, because the character has already been formed and fixed. The period when discipline is needed, begins and passes much sooner than most parents realize. In the majority of cases the discipline is delayed too long, if administered at all.
Warning To Parents
The Scriptures also contain timely counsel to parents in their dealings with the children, "You fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged." (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21) "Nurture" in the Greek is "discipline," or training by necessary chastening. "Admonition" means training by counsel. Both are needed. "Nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord," is the reading of the American Revised Version.
"Provoke" means to irritate or exasperate through unreasonable demands, outbursts of anger, or constant nagging. On the other hand, children can also be ruined by overindulgence and misplaced sympathy. Parents who slave for their children, and thus give them too much attention, invariably spoil them. The more children are made to wait on themselves and others, especially their parents, the better for them. They should also be taught early to entertain themselves and provide their own amusements. Nothing is more pleasing and agreeable than retiring, unselfish, and unspoiled children; and nothing is more obnoxious and distasteful than bold, self-centered, emptyheaded, and parent-pampered children.
Parents should make every effort to make the home the center of attraction for their children. This, of course, is impossible with mere ornamentation and rich furnishings. It comes only by the cultivation of affection, courtesy, comradeship, and the other graces of true Christianity. These alone can make the home the most desirable place on earth. Such a home is a part of heaven because it is filled with the heavenly atmosphere of love, harmony, and fellowship. When love is the abiding and controlling principle of the home, it will be the most wonderful place in the world.
Said the apostle Paul: "Love is patient and kind. Love knows neither envy nor jealousy. Love is not forward and self-assertive, nor boastful and conceited. She does not behave unbecomingly, nor seek to aggrandize herself, nor blaze out in passionate anger, nor brood over wrongs. She finds no pleasure in injustice done to others, but joyfully sides with the truth. She knows how to be silent. She is full of trust, full of hope, full of patient endurance. Love never fails." "And so there remain faith, hope, love-these three; and of these the greatest is love." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8,13, Weymouth)
This surely is a heavenly state, and children reared in such an atmosphere will never fail their parents or their God.
The Divine Promise
The promise is, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) This promise is definite and has but one condition to its fulfillment. The child must be trained "in the way he should go." Not in the way he would go or in the way he wants to go, but in the way he should go. "As the twig is bent the tree's inclined," is a no more fixed and unchangeable rule than that which is enunciated in this text. If it does not always seem to work out that way, the promise should not be blamed. No parent is perfect, and therefore cannot do a perfect job of child training, and most parents come farther short of the mark than they realize or are willing to acknowledge. It is safer and wiser to blame ourselves rather than the promise of God.
Perhaps among the best examples of success and failure in child training are those of Joseph and Absalom. Joseph made full provision for his father in his old age. He was not ashamed to bring him to Egypt and introduce him to the king. He honored his father through life and his memory after death. But Absalom broke his father's heart when he rebelled and attempted to seize his throne. He was petted and pampered as a boy, and therefore was a dishonor to his parents when he became a man. To this day the Jews throw stones at the monument of Absalom as an evidence of their feeling of disgust. May these two examples be a worthy pattern ~nd a solemn warning to parents in this willful and stubborn generation. No, the fifth commandment is not obsolete or out of date. It has not been superseded by a better code for the conduct of the family government. It only needs to be given a fair trial to demonstrate its value.