To Ellen White, the illness that began almost as soon as she reached Australia was one of the most mysterious experiences in her life. This is how she herself depicted it:
When the work, newly started in Australia, was in need of help, our brethren in America desired me to visit this field. They urged that as one whom the Lord was especially teaching I could help the work here as others could not. I felt no inclination to go, and had no light that it was my duty. The journey was a dread to me. I desired to remain at home and complete my work on the life of Christ and other writings.
But as the matter was introduced, and the responsible men of the conference expressed their conviction that I in company with others should visit this field, I decided to act in accordance with their light. I feared that my own unwillingness to go was the reason why I had no more evidence on the point.
I made the long journey and attended the conference held in Melbourne. I bore a decided testimony. The Lord gave me tongue and utterance to reprove, to entreat, and to present principles of the greatest importance to the people and to the work. The burden was heavy upon me, and just before the conference closed I was stricken with a severe illness. For eleven months I suffered from malarial fever and inflammatory rheumatism.
During this period I experienced the most terrible suffering of my whole life. I was unable to lift my feet from the floor without suffering great pain. My right arm, from the elbow down, was the only part of my body that was free from pain. My hips and my spine were in constant pain. I could not lie on my cot for more than two hours at a time, though I had rubber cushions under me. I would drag myself to a similar bed to change my position. Thus the nights passed.
But in all this there was a cheerful side. My Saviour seemed to be close beside me. I felt His sacred presence in my heart, and I was thankful. These months of suffering were the happiest months of my life, because of the companionship of my Saviour. He was my hope and crown of rejoicing. I am so thankful that I had this experience, because I am better acquainted with my precious Lord and Saviour. His love filled my heart. All through my sickness His love, His tender compassion, was my comfort, my continual consolation.
Physicians said I would never be able to walk again, and I had fears that my life was to be a perpetual conflict with suffering. But I would not give up, and the constant effort that I made, because of my faith that I could still be the Lord's messenger to the people, accomplished a great change in my health. Some of the meetings that I attended at this time were from four to twelve miles from home. On some of these occasions I was enabled to speak for a full hour at a time. The fact that I could speak in public in spite of my crippled condition was an encouragement to my brethren and sisters.
Continued to Write
During those eleven months of suffering I continued my work of writing. My right arm from the elbow down was whole, so that I could use my pen, and I wrote twenty-five hundred pages of letter paper for publication during this period.
When I was first convinced that I must give up my cherished plan to visit the churches in Australia and New Zealand, I questioned seriously whether it was ever my duty to leave America, and come to this far-off country. Many sleepless hours of the night I spent in going over our experience since we left America for Australia. It was a time of continual anxiety, suffering, and burden bearing.
I felt at first that I could not bear this inactivity. I think I fretted in spirit over it, and at times darkness gathered about me. This unreconciliation was at the beginning of my suffering and helplessness, but it was not long before I saw that the affliction was a part of God's plan. I carefully reviewed the history of the past few years, and the work the Lord had given me to do. Not once had He failed me. Often He had manifested Himself in a marked manner, and I saw nothing in the past of which to complain. I realized that like threads of gold, precious things had run through all this severe experience.
Then I prayed earnestly and realized continually sweet comfort in the promises of God: "Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you." "When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him."
These promises were fulfilled to me. I knew Jesus came sacredly near, and I found His grace all-sufficient. My soul stayed upon God. I could say from a full heart, "I know in whom I have believed." "God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation make a way of escape, that ye may be able to bear it."--Manuscript 75, 1893.
Thus Ellen White, while making a recovery, could write setting forth her philosophy of the experience of prolonged suffering and could dare to hope that she had some good years ahead. Following are some highlights in this agonizing experience.
Stricken! "What Shall I Do?"
At first, while in the uncertainty as to her future, she had some decisions to make. She had come to Australia as the Lord's messenger to minister to the people. To what extent could she do this while her activities were curtailed by physical suffering? She could not travel, and her oral ministry must be within easy driving distance. She could write, for miraculously her right hand was free from pain, but this writing had to be done under certain conditions.
It was mid-February, 1892--late summer in the Southern Hemisphere. After being confined to her home in Preston for a full month and experiencing no improvement in health, she determined to speak to the congregation in Melbourne. Sabbath morning, February 13, she was taken in her carriage to Federal Hall at the publishing house. Her son Willie and J. H. Stockton carried her up the long flight of stone steps to the chapel. There she stood and spoke for nearly an hour. Of the experience she wrote: "The Lord refreshed me while speaking to our people, and I received no harm."--Manuscript 40, 1892.
As her physical condition worsened she could not stand to speak, but she would not give up; she spoke while sitting in a chair on the platform. By this time, work was begun in remodeling the physical plant of the Echo Publishing House, in the process of which the meeting room became a part of the factory. Nearby Albert Hall was rented for Sabbath meetings.
Of her experience she wrote on Sunday, March 27, to her son Willie, who was in New Zealand attending the meetings she had expected to attend:
Last night I slept little. I had one hour's nap in the first trial after going to bed, then slept no more until midnight, then one hour's sleep, then two hours' wakefulness. I cannot handle myself any better than I have done for weeks.
Sabbath it rained some--was very cloudy. I had told them I would speak to them, but I was unusually weak and the weather threatened every moment to be rainy. I finally decided to go and the clouds dispersed. There was a large congregation and they listened with interest. It rained and was cold when we started homeward, Marian, Annie, May, and I. We had meeting in Albert's Hall. I was glad I went; do not think it hurt me.--Letter 64, 1892.
She referred again to the Sabbath meeting:
I am glad I spoke last Sabbath. Sister Daniells said that she was surprised, knowing my feebleness, that I spoke with such clearness and power. If the Lord will give me strength to do a little here, I know that little is needed. I will not give up my courage. I will hope in God, although I cannot rise up or sit down or move without pain....
The Lord has ... care for me. He will not leave me to suffering and despair. I shall speak Sabbaths, for the thought I can do that much refreshes me.--Letter 65, 1892.
As she wrote to Elder and Mrs. Haskell a week later, she reported:
I manage to speak Sabbaths. Stephen Belden and Byron or some other brother is at hand when my carriage drives up to the hall, and one on each side helps me to the hall and up the steps onto the platform, to my chair.
I have spoken seven times in this fashion; it is quite a humiliation to me, but the Lord does give me words for the people. I am blessed myself and the congregation is blessed. I spoke last Sunday afternoon to our sisters on dress reform. We had a good attendance and I hope the words spoken will enlighten some befogged minds.--Letter 10, 1892.
Thus she continued for a few more weeks, until her physical condition worsened to the point that she could no longer meet speaking appointments. However, conference and publishing-house officials frequently visited her at her residence for counsel.
Writing Under Great Difficulties
Writing she could do, but not without suffering. In almost desperation she wrote on April 6:
I am unable to move hands or limbs without pain. My arms are so painful, the writing I have done for the last few months has been in constant suffering. For the last two weeks my arms have been more helpless, and I may be compelled to lay down my pen until the Lord in His mercy sees fit to restore me. I am worn out for want of sleep, and nature refuses to be cheated longer; I fall asleep in my chair, fall asleep while trying to write. I have felt very much depressed at times over this condition of things, but then the Lord comforts and blesses me.--Letter 10, 1892.
She was ever hopeful of working on the life of Christ, but first she needed to write messages to individuals and institutions as the Lord gave her light. In a letter written March 21, she mentioned the coverage in her correspondence:
The American mail bore from me a great burden, and I hope my mind will be at rest now that I shall not have to write so many letters which I dare not neglect. I have left my testimony for them at the Sanitarium [Battle Creek], at the publishing office, and to the churches. I have left my testimony to the Pacific Press managers, to the health retreat managers, and have left my testimony in regard to Australia and the things that need to be set in order here.
I know not what the next coming mail may bring, but I shall not undertake what I have hitherto done. I shall write, as I have strength, on the life of Christ.--Letter 62, 1892.
A Cheering Interlude--Steps to Christ Received
One item of real interest that the mails from America did bring was a copy of Steps to Christ, published by Fleming H. Revell and Company, of Chicago. It was announced on the back page of the Bible Echo for April 1.
The reception of the book in the United States was phenomenal, as indicated by another back-page note that appeared two months later. An announcement from the publisher, Revell, was reproduced under the title "A Remarkable Book":
It is not often that a publisher has the opportunity of announcing a third edition of a new work within six weeks of the first issue. This, however, is the encouraging fact in connection with Mrs. E. G. White's eminently helpful and practical work, Steps to Christ. If you will read this work, it will ensure your becoming deeply interested in extending its circulation.
Steps to Christ is a work to guide the inquirer, to inspire the young Christian, and to comfort and encourage the mature believer. The book is unique in its helpfulness.
The editor of the Bible Echo added that preparations were being made to publish an edition of the book at their office. Theirs was the first edition of Steps to Christ to be printed outside North America. Since then, the book has appeared in more than one hundred languages, with an aggregate distribution counted in millions.
Pressing on with the Writing
The task of writing was ever with Ellen White. She described her work in a letter to S. N. Haskell and his wife, written in May:
I send in this mail sixty pages of letter paper written by my own hand. First, my hair-cloth chair is bolstered up with pillows, then they have a frame, a box batted with pillows which I rest my limbs upon, and a rubber pillow under them. My table is drawn up closer to me and I thus write with my paper on a cardboard in my lap. Yesterday I was enabled to sit two hours thus arranged. My hips will become so painful, then I must change position. She [May Walling] then gets me on the spring bed and bolsters me up with pillows. I may be able to sit some over one hour, and thus it is a change, but I am thankful I can write at all. I have done nothing scarcely on the life of Christ. I am burdened with other matters, so it is all that I can do to keep the mails supplied. I have hoped my arms would be restored, but they are still very painful. I write to you that I wish to have these copied, for if I should wait to have them copied, you would get but very little. I promised articles for the Instructor, articles for the Signs, Sabbath School Worker. Missionary papers and the Echo do not trouble me, for they take from other papers; but the will of God be done.--Letter 16c, 1892.
In early July, as she wrote to Dr. J. H. Kellogg in Battle Creek, she mentioned again the conditions under which she worked:
Every mail has taken from one to two hundred pages from my hand, and most of it has been written either as I am now propped up on the bed by pillows, half lying, or half sitting, or bolstered up sitting in an uncomfortable chair. It is very painful to my hip and to the lower part of my spine to sit up. If such easy chairs were to be found in this country as you have at the Sanitarium, one would be readily purchased by me, if it cost $30; but furniture of that style is not manufactured here. All furniture is transported from England, and Boston, Massachusetts. A good, large, roomy chair with soft springs is not obtainable.
It is with great weariness that I can sit erect and hold up my head. I must rest it against the back of the chair on the pillows, half reclining.... I am not at all discouraged. I feel that I am sustained daily.... I enjoy sweet communion with God.--Letter 18a, 1892.
Occasionally she noted in her diary just what she was sending off in the American mail. On June 12 she wrote:
Articles written: missionary work, 15 pages letter paper. A. T. Robinson, 13 pages. Sustaining the Cause, letter to Elder Smith, 24 pages; Elder Haskell, 16 pages; Sister Ings, 5 pages; Brother Lockwood, 5 pages; Sara McEnterfer, 2 pages; Ella May and Mable White, 4 pages. Large document to C. H. Jones in regard to publishing and health institutions. J. E. White, 12 pages. Sent Brother Wessels 5 letter pages, to Elder E. J. Waggoner to London; to Elder Washburn, England, 1 page.--Manuscript 33, 1892.
Back of many of these letters were visions in which situations were opened up to Ellen White. After one very restless night she wrote a twelve-page letter to Dr. Kellogg, concerning which she noted:
I am instructed to caution him to move guardedly, else he will surely lose his bearings. There are many perplexing questions coming up for decision, and he will need great wisdom in order to keep the way of the Lord.... He needs a humble, contrite heart, and he needs to walk in constant dependence upon God.--Manuscript 34, 1892.
Sometimes it seemed that the correspondence was a bit one-sided, more going out than coming in. She wrote to S. N. Haskell:
The coming of the mail is a great event with us.... We were so glad to hear from the other side of the broad waters. If our friends only knew how precious are words from them, I think we should receive more communications. But it is a little amusing that nearly all our correspondents assume that others have written all particulars. I thank you for your full letters and that you do not disappoint my expectations.--Letter 10, 1892.
Day after day and week after week the situation was without much change--long winter nights of intense suffering and broken sleep, then days in poorly heated rooms trying to write. Every day it was a battle to keep up courage. Again and again she reviewed in her mind the matter of the invitation from the General Conference for her to go to Australia and of the various events of the past year, in America and Australia. On some days it seemed to her to be certain that it was God's will that she was in Australia; at other times she felt her coming might have been a mistake.
On July 5, in her letter to Dr. Kellogg, she mentioned her feelings and attitudes:
When I first found myself in a state of helplessness, I deeply regretted having crossed the broad waters. Why was I not in America? Why, at such expense, was I in this country? Time and again I could have buried my face in the bed quilts and had a good cry. But I did not long indulge in the luxury of tears. I said to myself, "Ellen G. White, what do you mean? Have you not come to Australia because you felt that it was your duty to go where the conference judged it best for you to go? Has not this been your practice?" I said, "Yes." "Then why do you feel almost forsaken, and discouraged? Is not this the enemy's work?" I said, "I believe it is." I dried my tears as quickly as possible and said, "It is enough; I will not look on the dark side anymore. Live or die, I commit the keeping of my soul to Him who died for me."
I then believed that the Lord would do all things well, and during this eight months of helplessness, I have not had any despondency or doubt.
I now look at this matter as a part of the Lord's great plan, for the good of His people here in this country, and for those in America, and for my good. I cannot explain why or how, but I believe it. And I am happy in my affliction; I can trust my heavenly Father. I will not doubt His love. I have an ever-watchful guardian day and night, and I will praise the Lord, for His praise is upon my lips because it comes from a heart full of gratitude.--Letter 18a, 1892.
Anointing and Special Prayer for Healing
Although Ellen White, as well as her husband, had responded a number of times to requests to join others in the service of anointing the sick and praying for their special healing, she deferred making such a request for herself. But after long months of suffering and no evidence of improvement, and although she and her attendants had done all that they could with proper hydrotherapy treatments, she was still almost helpless. Now her mind turned to what it was her privilege to do, to ask the brethren to come and anoint her and pray for her healing. While pondering this, and the whole matter of prayer for the healing of the sick in general, she wrote a statement:
During my sickness I have thought much in reference to praying for the sick, and I believe that if prayer should be offered for the sick at any place, and it certainly should, it should be offered at the Sanitarium for the relief or restoration of the suffering. But in this matter of praying for the sick, I could not move in exactly the same lines as have my brethren. I have been considering many things that have been presented to me in the past in reference to this subject.--Manuscript 26a, 1892.
She discussed the situation in which individuals pay little heed to the laws of nature, yet when illness strikes they solicit the prayers of God's people and call for the elders of the church. Those called in to pray, with little knowledge of the manner of life of the petitioner, which may be far from what the Lord calls for, petition God to restore health miraculously. Such a prayer, if answered in the affirmative, would open the way for a continuation of a life lived in disregard to nature's laws, which were instituted by God for mankind's own good. She wrote admonishingly:
Present these thoughts to the persons who come asking your prayers: "We are human, we cannot read the heart, or know the secrets of your life. These are known only to yourself and God. If you now repent of your sin, if you can see that in any instance you have walked contrary to the light given you of God, and have neglected to give honor to the body, the temple of God, ... [and] by wrong habits have degraded the body which is Christ's property, make confession of these things to God....
If you have sinned by withholding from God His own in tithes and offerings, confess your guilt to God and to the church, and heed the injunction that has been given you, "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse." ...
Praying for the sick is a most solemn thing, and we should not enter upon this work in any careless, hasty way. Examination should be made as to whether those who would be blessed with health have indulged in evil speaking, alienation, and dissension. Have they sowed discord among the brethren and sisters in the church? If these things have been committed they should be confessed before God and before the church. When wrongs have been confessed, the subjects of prayer may be presented before God in earnestness and faith, as the Spirit of God may move upon you.--Ibid.
In this statement, seemingly intended for herself, as well as others, Ellen White wrote much in the vein presented in the chapter "Prayer for the Sick" in The Ministry of Healing. In fact, this manuscript probably formed the basis for the chapter.
After the preparation of heart that accompanied her writing on prayer for the sick, Ellen White called upon the brethren on Friday, May 20, to come to her home and anoint her and pray for her healing. Of this, she wrote in her diary:
Yesterday afternoon Elder [A. G.] Daniells and his wife, Elder [G. C.] Tenney and his wife, and Brethren Stockton and Smith came to our home at my request to pray that the Lord would heal me. We had a most earnest season of prayer, and we were all much blessed. I was relieved, but not restored.
I have now done all that I can to follow the Bible directions, and I shall wait for the Lord to work, believing that in His own good time He will heal me. My faith takes hold of the promise, "Ask and ye shall receive" (John 16:24).
I believe that the Lord heard our prayers. I hoped that my captivity might be turned immediately, and to my finite judgment it seemed that thus God would be glorified. I was much blessed during our season of prayer, and I shall hold fast to the assurance then given me: "I am your Redeemer; I will heal you."--Manuscript 19, 1892; Selected Messages 2:235).
She wrote to Stephen Haskell a few days later: "I did believe the Lord would restore me." She followed with her undaunted confidence in the Lord and His sustaining grace, declaring:
I can look to Him as one able to help me. One who loves me, who will restore me in His own good time. Will I trust myself in His hands? I will. He has been very nigh unto me the last five months of trial.--Letter 16g, 1892.