He who gave Eve to Adam as a helpmeet, performed
His first miracle at a marriage festival. In the festal hall
where friends and kindred rejoiced together, Christ began
His public ministry. Thus He sanctioned marriage, recognizing
it as an institution that He Himself had established. He
ordained that men and women should be united in holy
wedlock, to rear families whose members, crowned with honor,
should be recognized as members of the family above.
Christ honored the marriage relation by making it also a
symbol of the union between Him and His redeemed ones.
He Himself is the Bridegroom; the bride is the church, of
which, as His chosen one, He says, "Thou art all fair, My
love; there is no spot in thee." Canticles 4:7.
Christ "loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that
He might sanctify and cleanse it; . . . that it should be holy
and without blemish." "So ought men to love their wives."
Ephesians 5:25-28.
The family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred, of
any on earth. It was designed to be a blessing to mankind.
And it is a blessing wherever the marriage covenant is entered
into intelligently, in the fear of God, and with due
consideration for its responsibilities.
Those who are contemplating marriage should consider
what will be the character and influence of the home they are
founding. As they become parents, a sacred trust is
committed to them. Upon them depends in a great measure the
well-being of their children in this world, and their happiness
in the world to come. To a great extent they determine both
the physical and the moral stamp that the little ones receive.
And upon the character of the home depends the condition of
society; the weight of each family's influence will tell in the
upward or the downward scale.
The choice of a life companion should be such as best to
secure physical, mental, and spiritual well-being for parents
and for their children--such as will enable both parents and
children to bless their fellow men and to honor their Creator.
Before assuming the responsibilities involved in marriage,
young men and young women should have such an experience
in practical life as will prepare them for its duties and its
burdens. Early marriages are not to be encouraged. A relation
so important as marriage and so far-reaching in its results
should not be entered upon hastily, without sufficient preparation,
and before the mental and physical powers are well
developed.
The parties may not have worldly wealth, but they should
have the far greater blessing of health. And in most cases
there should not be a great disparity in age. A neglect of this
rule may result in seriously impairing the health of the
younger. And often the children are robbed of physical and
mental strength. They cannot receive from an aged parent
the care and companionship which their young lives demand,
and they may be deprived by death of the father or the mother
at the very time when love and guidance are most needed.
It is only in Christ that a marriage alliance can be safely
formed. Human love should draw its closest bonds from
divine love. Only where Christ reigns can there be deep, true,
unselfish affection.
Love is a precious gift, which we receive from Jesus. Pure
and holy affection is not a feeling, but a principle. Those who
are actuated by true love are neither unreasonable nor blind.
Taught by the Holy Spirit, they love God supremely, and
their neighbor as themselves.
Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every
sentiment and watch every development of character in the
one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let
every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by
modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to
please and honor God. Marriage affects the afterlife both in
this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will
make no plans that God cannot approve.
If you are blessed with God-fearing parents, seek counsel
of them. Open to them your hopes and plans, learn the
lessons which their life experiences have taught, and you will
be saved many a heartache. Above all, make Christ your
counselor. Study His word with prayer.
Under such guidance let a young woman accept as a life
companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of
character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and honest, one who loves
and fears God. Let a young man seek one to stand by his side
who is fitted to bear her share of life's burdens, one whose
influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make
him happy in her love.
"A prudent wife is from the Lord." "The heart of her
husband doth safely trust in her. . . . She will do him good
and not evil all the days of her life." "She openeth her mouth
with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She
looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the
bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praiseth her," saying, "Many daughters
have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all." He who
gains such a wife "findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor
of the Lord." Proverbs 19:14; 31:11, 12, 26-29; 18:22.
However carefully and wisely marriage may have been
entered into, few couples are completely united when the
marriage ceremony is performed. The real union of the two
in wedlock is the work of the after years.
As life with its burden of perplexity and care meets the
newly wedded pair, the romance with which imagination
so often invests marriage disappears. Husband and wife
learn each other's character as it was impossible to learn it in
their previous association. This is a most critical period in
their experience. The happiness and usefulness of their whole
future life depend upon their taking a right course now. Often
they discern in each other unsuspected weaknesses and
defects; but the hearts that love has united will discern
excellencies also heretofore unknown. Let all seek to discover the
excellencies rather than the defects. Often it is our own
attitude, the atmosphere that surrounds ourselves, which
determines what will be revealed to us in another. There are many
who regard the expression of love as a weakness, and they
maintain a reserve that repels others. This spirit checks the
current of sympathy. As the social and generous impulses are
repressed, they wither, and the heart becomes desolate and
cold. We should beware of this error. Love cannot long
exist without expression. Let not the heart of one connected
with you starve for the want of kindness and sympathy.
Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements
may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought
that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine
to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the
early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting
the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each
other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then
marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were
the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship,
the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of
heaven.
Around every family there is a sacred circle that should
be kept unbroken. Within this circle no other person has a
right to come. Let not the husband or the wife permit another
to share the confidences that belong solely to themselves.
Let each give love rather than exact it. Cultivate that
which is noblest in yourselves, and be quick to recognize the
good qualities in each other. The consciousness of being
appreciated is a wonderful stimulus and satisfaction. Sympathy
and respect encourage the striving after excellence, and
love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims.
Neither the husband nor the wife should merge his or her
individuality in that of the other. Each has a personal relation
to God. Of Him each is to ask, "What is right?" "What
is wrong?" "How may I best fulfill life's purpose?" Let the
wealth of your affection flow forth to Him who gave His life
for you. Make Christ first and last and best in everything.
As your love for Him becomes deeper and stronger, your love
for each other will be purified and strengthened.
The spirit that Christ manifests toward us is the spirit that
husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. "As
Christ also hath loved us," "walk in love." "As the church
is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own
husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as
Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it."
Ephesians 5:2, 24, 25.
Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to
exercise over the other an arbitrary control. Do not try to
compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this
and retain each other's love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing,
considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God you
can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage
vow you promised to do.