The value of courtesy is too little appreciated. Many who are kind at heart lack kindliness of manner. Many who command respect by their sincerity and uprightness are sadly deficient in geniality. This lack mars their own happiness and detracts from their service to others.
Cheerfulness and courtesy should be cultivated especially by parents and teachers. All may possess a cheerful countenance, a gentle voice, a courteous manner, and these are elements of power. Children are attracted by a cheerful attitude. Show them kindness and courtesy, and they will manifest the same spirit toward you and toward one another.
True courtesy is not learned by the mere practice of rules of etiquette. Propriety of deportment is at all times to be observed. Wherever principle is not compromised, consideration of others will lead to compliance with accepted customs. But true courtesy requires no sacrifice of principle to conventionality. It ignores caste. It teaches self-respect, respect for the dignity of personhood, a regard for every member of the great human family.
There is danger of placing too high a value on mere manner and form, and devoting too much time to education in these lines. The life of strenuous effort demanded of every young person, the hard, often uncongenial work required even for life's ordinary duties, and much more for lightening the world's heavy burden of ignorance and wretchedness--these give little place for conventionalities.
Many who lay great emphasis on etiquette show little respect for anything, however excellent, that fails to meet their artificial standard. This is false education. It fosters critical pride and narrow exclusiveness.
The essence of true politeness is consideration for others. The essential, enduring education is that which broadens the sympathies and encourages universal kindliness. That so-called culture which does not make young people deferential toward their parents, appreciative of their excellences, forbearing toward their defects, and helpful to their necessities; which does not make them considerate and tender, generous and helpful toward the young, the old, and the unfortunate, and courteous toward all, is a failure.
Divinely Taught Courtesy
Real refinement of thought and manner is better learned in the school of the divine Teacher than by any observance of set rules. His love pervading the heart gives to the character those refining touches that fashion it in the semblance of His own. This education imparts a heaven-born dignity and sense of propriety. It gives a sweetness of disposition and a gentleness of manner that can never be equaled by the superficial polish of fashionable society.
The Bible enjoins courtesy, and it presents many illustrations of the unselfish spirit, the gentle grace, the winsome temper, that characterize true politeness. These are but reflections of the character of Christ. All the real tenderness and courtesy in the world, even among those who do not acknowledge His name, is from Him. And He desires these characteristics to be perfectly reflected in His children. It is His purpose that in us the world shall behold His beauty.
The most valuable treatise on etiquette ever penned is the instruction given by the Savior through the apostle Paul--words that should be ineffaceably written in the memory of every human being, young or old: "As I have loved you, that you also love one another." John 13:34.
"Love suffers long and is kind;
Love does not envy;
Love does not parade itself,
Is not puffed up;
Does not behave rudely,
Does not seek its own,
Is not provoked,
Thinks no evil;
Does not rejoice in iniquity,
But rejoices in the truth;
Bears all things,
Believes all things,
Hopes all things,
Endures all things.
Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
Reverence
Another precious grace that should be carefully cherished is reverence. True reverence for God is inspired by a sense of His infinite greatness and a realization of His presence. The heart of every child should be deeply impressed with this sense of the Unseen. The child should be taught to regard the hour and place of prayer and the services of public worship as sacred, because God is there. As reverence is manifested in attitude and demeanor, the feeling that inspires it will be deepened.
Young and old should study, ponder, and often repeat those words of Holy Writ that show how the place marked by God's special presence should be regarded. "Take your sandals off your feet," He commanded Moses at the burning bush, "for the place where you stand is holy ground." Exodus 3:5.
Jacob, after seeing the vision of the angels, exclaimed, "The Lord is in this place; and I did not know it. ... This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven!" Genesis 28:16, 17.
"The Lord is in His holy temple. Let all the earth keep silence before Him." Habakkuk 2:20.
"The Lord is the great God, And the great King above all gods. ...
Oh come, let us worship and bow down;
Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker."
Psalm 95:3-6.
Reverence should be shown also for the name of God. Never should that name be spoken lightly or thoughtlessly. Even in prayer its frequent or needless repetition should be avoided. "Holy and awesome is His name." Psalm 111:9. Angels, as they speak it, veil their faces. With what reverence should we who are fallen and sinful take it on our lips!
We should reverence God's Word. For the printed volume we should show respect, never putting it to common uses, or handling it carelessly. And never should Scripture be quoted in a jest, or paraphrased to point a witty saying. "Every word of God is pure"; "like silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times." Proverbs 30:5; Psalm 12:6.
Above all, children should be taught that true reverence is shown by obedience. God has commanded nothing that is unessential, and there is no other way of manifesting reverence so pleasing to Him as obedience to His Word.
Reverence should be shown for God's representatives--for ministers, teachers, and parents who are called to speak and act in His stead. He is honored in the respect shown to them. And God has especially commanded that tender respect be shown toward the aged. He says, "The silver-haired head is a crown of glory, if it is found in the way of righteousness." Proverbs 16:31. It tells of battles fought and victories gained, of burdens borne and temptations resisted. It tells of weary feet nearing their rest, of places soon to be vacant. Help the children to think of this, and they will smooth the path of the aged by their courtesy and respect, and will bring grace and beauty into their young lives as they heed the command to "rise before the aged, and defer to the old." Leviticus 19:32, NRSV.
Fathers and mothers and teachers need to appreciate more fully the responsibility and honor that God has placed on them, in making them, to the child, the representatives of Himself. The character revealed in the contact of daily life will interpret to the child, for good or evil, those words of God:
"As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him." Psalm 103:13. "As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you." Isaiah 6:13.
Fortunate is the child in whom such words as these awaken love and gratitude and trust; the child to whom the tenderness and justice and longsuffering of father and mother and teacher interpret the love and justice and longsuffering of God; the child who by trust and submission and reverence toward his earthly protectors learns to trust and obey and reverence his God. Adults who impart to children or students such a gift have endowed them with a treasure more precious than the wealth of all the ages--a treasure as enduring as eternity.