One of the first lessons that children need to learn is the lesson of obedience. Before they are old enough to reason, they may be taught to obey. By gentle, persistent effort, the habit should be established. To a great degree this may prevent those later conflicts between will and authority that create alienation and bitterness toward parents and teachers, and too often resistance of all authority, human and divine.
The object of discipline is to train children for self-government. They should be taught self-reliance and self-control. As soon as they are able to understand, their reasoning powers should be enlisted on the side of obedience. Show them that obedience is right and reasonable. Help them see that disobedience leads to disaster and suffering. When God says "You shall not," He is, in love, warning us of the consequences of disobedience, in order to save us from harm and loss.
Help children see that parents and teachers are representatives of God, and that as they act in harmony with Him, their laws in the home and the school are also His. As children are to obey parents and teachers, they also are to obey God.
Right Use of the Will
To direct the child's development without hindering it by undue control should be the study of both parent and teacher. Too much management is as bad as too little. The effort to "break the will" of a child is a terrible mistake. While force may secure outward submission, the result with many children is a more determined rebellion of the heart. Even if the parent or teacher succeeds in gaining control, the outcome may be no less harmful to the child.
The discipline of a human being who has reached the years of intelligence should differ from the training of a dumb animal. The beast is taught only submission to its master. For the beast, the master is mind, judgment, and will. This method, sometimes employed in the training of children, makes them little more than automatons. Mind, will, conscience, are under the control of another.
It is not God's purpose that any human mind should be thus dominated. Those who weaken or destroy individuality assume a responsibility that can result only in evil. While under authority, children may appear like well-drilled soldiers, but when the control ceases, the character will be found to lack strength and steadfastness. Having never learned self-government, the young recognize no restraint except the requirement of parents or teacher. This removed, they do not know how to use their liberty, and often give themselves up to indulgence that proves their ruin.
Since the surrender of the will is much more difficult for some students than for others, teachers should make obedience to their requirements as easy as possible. The will should be guided and molded but not ignored or crushed. Save the strength of the will; in the battle of life it will be needed.
Children should understand the true force of the will. They should be led to see what a great responsibility is involved in this gift. The will is the governing power in a person, the power of decision, or choice. Every human being possessed of reason has power to choose the right. In every experience of life, God's word to us is, "Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve." Joshua 24:15. Everyone may place his or her will on the side of the will of God. All may choose to obey Him, and by thus linking themselves with divine agencies may stand where nothing can force them to do evil. In every young person, every child, lies the power, by the help of God, to form a character of integrity and to live a life of usefulness.
Parents and teachers, who by such instruction train children to selfcontrol, will be the most useful and permanently successful. To superficial observers their work may not be valued so highly as that of those who hold the mind and will of children under absolute authority, but in later years the result of the better method of training will be seen.
Wise educators, in dealing with students, will seek to encourage confidence and strengthen the sense of honor. Children and youth are benefitted by being trusted. Many--even little children--have a high sense of honor. All desire to be treated with confidence and respect, and this is their right. They should not be led to feel that they cannot go out or come in without being watched. Suspicion demoralizes, producing the very evils it seeks to prevent. Instead of watching continually, as if suspecting evil, teachers who are in touch with their pupils will discern the workings of the restless mind and will set to work influences that will counteract evil. Lead students to feel that they are trusted, and most will seek to prove themselves worthy of the trust.
On the same principle it is better to request than to command. Those thus addressed have opportunity to prove themselves loyal to right principles. Their obedience is the result of choice rather than compulsion.
Establishing and Enforcing Rules
The rules governing the schoolroom should, so far as possible, represent the voice of the school. Every principle involved in them should be explained to students so that they may be convinced of its justice. Thus they will feel a responsibility to see that the rules are obeyed.
Rules should be few and well considered, and, when once made, should be enforced. Whatever is found impossible to change, the mind learns to recognize and adapt to, but the possibility of indulgence induces desire, hope, and uncertainty. The results are restlessness, irritability, and insubordination.
Make it plain that the government of God knows no compromise with evil. Neither in the home nor in the school should disobedience be tolerated. No parent or teacher who has at heart the well-being of those under his or her care will compromise with the stubborn self-will that defies authority or resorts to subterfuge or evasion in order to escape obedience. It is not love but sentimentalism that treats wrongdoing lightly, endeavors to secure conformity by coaxing or bribes, and finally accepts some substitute in place of the thing required.
"Fools mock at sin." Proverbs 14:9. We should beware of treating sin as a light thing. Terrible is its power over the wrongdoer. "The iniquities of the wicked ensnare them, and they are caught in the toils of their sin." Proverbs 5:2, NRSV. The greatest wrong done to children or youth is to allow them to become fastened in the bondage of evil habit.
Young people have an inborn love of liberty; they desire freedom; and they need to understand that these inestimable blessings are to be enjoyed only in obedience to the law of God. This law is the preserver of true freedom and liberty. It points out and prohibits those things that degrade and enslave, and to the obedient it affords protection from the power of evil.
The psalmist says: "I will walk at liberty, for I seek Your precepts." "Your testimonies also are my delight and my counselors." Psalm 119:45, 24.
In our efforts to correct evil we should guard against a tendency to faultfinding or censure. Continual censure bewilders but does not reform. With many minds, and often those of the finest susceptibility, an atmosphere of unsympathetic criticism is fatal to effort. Flowers do not unfold under the breath of a blighting wind.
A child frequently censured for some special fault comes to regard that fault as his or her peculiarity, something it is useless to strive against. Thus are created discouragement and hopelessness, often concealed under an appearance of indifference or bravado.
The true object of reproof is gained only when wrongdoers are led to see their fault and the will is enlisted for its correction. When this is accomplished, point them to the source of pardon and power. Seek to preserve their self-respect and to inspire them with courage and hope.
This work is the nicest*, the most difficult, the most important ever committed to human beings. It requires the most delicate tact, the finest susceptibility, a knowledge of human nature, and a heaven-born faith and patience, willing to work, watch, and wait.
Self-control and Discipline
Those who desire to control others must first control themselves. To deal passionately with a child or youth will only arouse resentment. When parents or teachers become impatient and are in danger of speaking unwisely, let them remain silent. There is wonderful power in silence.
Teachers must expect to meet perverse dispositions and hard, unrepenting hearts, but in dealing with them should never forget that they themselves were once children in need of discipline. Even now, with all their advantages of age, education, and experience, they often err and are in need of mercy and forbearance. In training the young they should consider that they are dealing with those who have inclinations to evil similar to their own. Youth have almost everything to learn, and it is much more difficult for some to learn than for others. With students of this kind teachers should bear patiently, not censuring their ignorance but improving every opportunity to give them encouragement. With sensitive, nervous students they should deal very tenderly. A sense of their own imperfections should lead them constantly to manifest sympathy and forbearance toward those who also are struggling with difficulties.
The Savior's rule, "Do to others as you would have them do to you" (Luke 6:31, NRSV), should be the rule of all who undertake the training of children and youth. They are the younger members of the Lord's family, heirs with us of the grace of life. Christ's rule should be sacredly observed toward the slowest of comprehension, the youngest, the most blundering, and even toward the erring and rebellious.
This rule will lead teachers to avoid, so far as possible, making public the faults or errors of students. They will seek to avoid giving reproof or punishment in the presence of others. They will not expel students until every effort has been put forth for their reformation. But when it becomes evident that a student is receiving no personal benefit, that defiance or disregard of authority is tending to overthrow the government of the school, and that his or her influence is contaminating others, then expulsion becomes a necessity. Yet with many the disgrace of public expulsion would lead to utter recklessness and ruin. In most cases when removal is unavoidable, the matter need not be made public. By counsel and cooperation with the parents, let the teacher privately arrange for the student's withdrawal.
In this time of special danger for the young, temptations surround them on every hand. Every school should be a "city of refuge," a place where tempted youth, may be dealt with patiently and wisely. Teachers who understand their responsibilities will separate from their own hearts and lives everything that would prevent them from dealing successfully with the willful and disobedient. Love and tenderness, patience and selfcontrol, will at all times be the law of their speech. Mercy and compassion will be blended with justice. When it is necessary to give reproof, their language will not be exaggerated, but humble. In gentleness they will set before wrongdoers their errors and help them to recover. Every true teacher will feel that it is better to err on the side of mercy than on the side of severity.
Many youth who are thought incorrigible are not so hard of heart as they appear. Many who are regarded as hopeless may be reclaimed by wise discipline. Often these are the ones who most readily melt under kindness. If teachers gain the confidence of tempted ones and recognize and develop the good in their characters, they can, in many cases, correct the evil without calling attention to it.
The divine Teacher bears with the erring through all their perversity. His love does not grow cold, His efforts to win them do not cease. With outstretched arms He waits to welcome again and again the erring, the rebellious, and even the apostate. His heart is touched with the helplessness of the little child subject to rough usage. The cry of human suffering never reaches His ear in vain. Though all are precious in His sight, the rough, sullen, stubborn dispositions draw most heavily on His sympathy and love, for He traces from cause to effect. The one who is most easily tempted, and is most inclined to err, is the special object of His solicitude.
Parents and teachers should cherish the attributes of Him who makes the cause of the afflicted, the suffering, and the tempted His own. They should have "compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray," since they also are "subject to weakness." Hebrews 5:2. Jesus treats us far better than we deserve, and as He has treated us, so we are to treat others. The course of no parent or teacher is justifiable if it is different from that which the Savior would pursue under similar circumstances.
Meeting Life's Discipline
Beyond the discipline of the home and the school, all have to meet the stern discipline of life. How to meet this wisely is a lesson that should be made plain to every child and to every young person. It is true that God loves us, that He is working for our happiness, and that, if His law had always been obeyed, we would never have known suffering. It is no less true that, in this world, as the result of sin, suffering, trouble, and burdens come to every life. We should teach children and youth to meet bravely these troubles and burdens. We should give them sympathy but never foster self-pity. What they need is that which stimulates and strengthens rather than weakens.
This world is not a parade ground, it is a battlefield. All are called to endure hardness, as good soldiers. Let young people be taught that the true test of character is found in the willingness to bear burdens, to take the hard place, to do the work that needs to be done, though it bring no earthly recognition or reward.
The true way of dealing with trial is not by seeking to escape it but by transforming it. This applies to all discipline, the earlier as well as the later. The neglect of the child's earliest training, and the consequent strengthening of wrong tendencies, makes the succeeding education more difficult, and too often causes discipline to be a painful process. Painful it must be to the lower nature, crossing, as it does, the natural desires and inclinations, but the pain may be lost sight of in a higher joy.
Let children and youth be taught that every mistake, every fault, every difficulty, conquered, becomes a stepping-stone to better and higher things. Through such experiences all who have ever made life worth living have achieved success.
"The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they, while their companions slept,
Were toiling upward in the night."
"We rise by things that are under our feet;
By what we have mastered of good and gain;
By the pride deposed and the passion slain,
And the vanquished ills that we hourly meet."
We "do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18. The exchange we make in the denial of selfish desires and inclinations is an exchange of the worthless and transitory for the precious and enduring. This is not sacrifice, but infinite gain.
"Something better" is the watchword of education, the law of all true living. Whatever Christ asks us to renounce, He offers something better in its stead. Often young people cherish objects, pursuits, and pleasures that may not appear to be evil but that fall short of the highest good. Let them be directed to something better than display, ambition, or self-indulgence. Bring them into contact with truer beauty, with loftier principles, and with nobler lives. Point them to the One "altogether lovely." When once the gaze is fixed upon Him, the life finds its center. The youthful enthusiasm, generous devotion, and passionate ardor find here their true object. Duty becomes a delight and sacrifice a pleasure. To honor Christ, to become like Him, to work for Him, is life's highest ambition and greatest joy.
"The love of Christ compels us." 2 Corinthians 5:14.
*Partial definition of nice: fastidious, refined, delicate, precise, discriminative; calling for great care, accuracy, tact; having high standards of conduct.