Printed in the Review and Herald, February 27, 1936
In a small black leather-covered diary, the pages of which are three by five inches, there is found in Ellen White's handwriting a record of her activities and observations during the year 1859.Though the ink is somewhat faded and in places the writing is very fine, yet all save a few words is still legible. There was a brave beginning of full-page entries for nearly a week. This is followed by frequent shorter entries, and omissions which become more numerous during the later months of the year. The entries, diary style, are often worded in the present tense and with broken sentences. New Year's Day fell on Sabbath, and the first entry records the events of the day as follows:
"The commencement of the new year. The Lord gave James liberty Sabbath afternoon in preaching upon the necessary preparation for baptism, and to partake of the Lord's supper. There was much feeling in the congregation. At intermission, all repaired to the water, where seven followed their Lord in baptism."
Among the candidates were two little girls about eleven years old, one of whom "prayed in the water to be kept unspotted from the world." In the eve, during the ordinances of feet washing and the Lord's supper there was "rejoicing and weeping in that house. The place was awful, and yet glorious, on account of the presence of the Lord.
"Mother had announced through the Review her intention of writing a book relating to her early experiences. Fortunately, Grandmother Harmon was living nearby, and she was able to impart much information regarding mother's earlier life. In this diary for 1859, there are many references to letters written to and received from those who were in a position to know the facts regarding her experience in connection with the cause of truth. Thus she sought by the testimony of reliable witnesses to confirm the statements that she was preparing to put forth in the little book entitled, "My Christian Experience, Views, and Labors," which was published in the autumn of 1860.
During this first week of 1859, there was pressure of work at the office, and many calls for assistance from friends and neighbors; so the preparation for the anticipated journey was deferred.
The journey referred to in the diary was to fill appointments that had been made through the Review by Elder and Mrs. White and Elder Loughborough, for meetings at Monterey, January 14-16; Caledonia, January 18 and 19; and at Wright, January 21-24.
When the time came to begin this tour, James White was overwhelmed with important work, and he decided that he could not leave Battle Creek for a few days. Therefore Elder Loughborough and his wife and baby girl, Teresa, and Ellen White, with her son Edson, then ten years old, made up the company. They drove father's team of horses, and although it was midwinter, they started with the carriage.
As the time drew near for father to join them, J. N. Andrews arrived in Battle Creek. Important planning and council meetings, and the rush of work connected with the new year, forced him to abandon his plan to join the party at Wright, so the burden of preaching fell on Elder Loughborough. He would lead out in a sermon, and mother would follow with an exhortation.
In the entries for this period, detailed mention is made of families of Sabbath-keepers visited and of meetings held. There are occasional allusions to homesickness and loneliness. At Monterey she wrote:
January 21. "Meeting commenced today. The house was well filled. They came from Caledonia, Bowne, Vergennes, Ionia. Sabbath drawing on. Have a lengthy meeting in the afternoon and none in the evening. Many testimonies given in. Many of them lacked the spirit. I spoke a little. Feel deeply my unworthiness. "I have felt so homesick on the journey. Fear that I have not been willing to sacrifice the company of my husband and children to do others good. I desire a willingness to make a whole sacrifice and crucify every selfish feeling."
It should be borne in mind that mother had a conflict with poor health much of the time, with a natural sequence of depression. A number of passages are found such as the following, for Sabbath, January 22:
"This morn have been pleading and wrestling with God. Have a gleam of light, but this cannot satisfy me. I must know that my ways please God. Go to the meeting with a heavy heart. Am much depressed in spirit. Fear my work has hindered me from communing with God as much as I should. ... O that I might come to the feet of Jesus and tell Him all my wants! I shall claim the promises of God through all my unworthiness. He will appear for me and set me free. My soul thirsteth for God. I long for His salvation."
Mother's real interest in the various members of the families where she was entertained is evident from many entries. Often the homes were humble, but she found pleasure in making acquaintances among the poor of the flock.
Temperance and the Vote
Following an evening meeting on this same day, we are told of a discussion among the brethren regarding the ballot for town officials:
"The subject of voting was considered and dwelt upon. James first talked; then Brother Andrews talked, and it was thought by them best to give their influence in favor of right, and against wrong. They think it right to vote in favor of temperance men being in office in our city, instead of by their silence running the risk of having intemperance men put in office.
"Brother Hewitt tells his experience of a few days, and is settled that it is right to east his vote. Brother Hart talks well. Brother Lyon opposes. No others object to voting, but Brother Kellogg begins to feel that it is right. Pleasant feelings exist among all the brethren. O that they may all act in the fear of God."
In this connection, there is a bit of humor in the action of some interested in the election of the "wets" of that time. The record continues:
"Men of intemperance have been in the office today, in a flattering manner expressing their approbation of the course of the Sabbath-keepers' not voting, and expressing hope that they will stick to their course, and like the Quakers, not cast their vote. Satan and his evil angels are busy at this time, and he has workers upon the earth. May Satan be disappointed, is my prayer."
Social Activities
Many allusions are made to visits among her neighbors in Battle Creek, and usually there is specific mention of a prayer season in connection with the call.
It is recorded that on April 7 she called on "Louisa Bovee for the first time." also:
"After supper had a season of prayer. Felt something of the blessing of God while entreating His mercy and strength. I am opposed to afternoon visiting and chitchat upon this, that, and the other, which imparts no spiritual strength to either party, the visitor or the receiver."
On another page, in an entry for June 22, mention is made of a visit to Sister Rattell, with the comment:
"It was a profitable visit. They wished to get supper. We would not allow it. We do not believe in going to visit, and taking up all the time preparing something to eat. We conversed upon our religious experience, then had a sweet, interesting season of prayer."
Hospitality
The White home was a place of welcome for traveling brethren, and often for strangers or transients in Battle Creek. Frequent mention is made of overnight guests or of company for dinner.
We can readily understand the brevity of an entry, and of an ending with an incomplete sentence, when we are told, under date of April 19, that--
"In the evening Brother Hilliard comes with his wife and seven children. We are glad to see them, and we keep them overnight, and--"
Also when we read for June 6, at Conference time, that "at dinner we had 35," we are not surprised at the following brief entry for June 7,
"We were all much worn out."
The Family Garden
In her varied activities and interests she did not forget such practical things as strawberry plants, currant and raspberry bushes. As soon as the weather permits in the spring, we find:
"Husband has been preparing for a garden. ... Large holes are prepared in the earth for the pie-plant."
April 11. "Spent the most of the day making a garden for my children. Feel willing to make home as pleasant for them as I can, that home may be the pleasantest place of any to them."
April 12. "Continue to make garden. Go down to Sister Benedict's for some plants."
April 13. "Go down to Sister Fults'. ... She gives me some plants for my children. Obtain some sage roots. Divide with her."
Solicitude for Her Children
The allusion to the children in connection with the making of garden, is not the only evidence of the burden that she carried on her heart for their welfare. February 9 she wrote:
"Had a good season of family prayer. My soul hungers and thirsts for salvation and holiness of heart. My anxiety is great for my children. I was led out to cry earnestly to God for them, that they may be subjects for His grace and heirs of salvation."
For the Sabbath of March 19, she records:
"Tarried at home in the afternoon. Read to my children."
And a most touching entry is found for May 20.The previous record shows that for several days she had been sorely afflicted. May 19 she had written:
"I sometimes think my work is done, and feelings come over me that I am of no use, can do no good. And then it seems as though it would be a sweet relief to rest in the grave."
And the following day, she says:
"Have felt deeply today for my dear children. Pray with them and for them. They may be soon left without a mother's care. Disease is bearing me down."
Sympathy for the Poor
Very touching are the allusions to the poor and needy, who ever drew upon her sympathy in a practical manner. Agnes Irving, a seventeen-year-old girl, whose father was an invalid, was employed by her in the house for some months, and her wages were the only regular means of support for her parents and four younger children. March 10, the mother called at the White home with the news that the father was critically ill, and money was needed for the family. Following mention of the self-sacrificing devotion of the daughter in giving all her wages, except one dollar, for ten weeks to the mother, this record appears:
"It was as affecting a scene as I ever witnessed. The reluctance of the mother to accept the wages, all the wages, of a daughter, through necessity, and the willingness and freedom of the daughter to have all go to her poor afflicted parents. The mother and daughter wept and we wept. We aided them some. Paid half toward a pair of boots for a little brother, $1. I paid $1.50 for a pair of shoes for the mother. Husband gave her $1 in money. Henry gave her 10 cents, Edson 10 cents, and little Willie 10 cents. Husband gave her 25 cents more to buy a little luxury for the sick one. We parted with considerable half-worn clothing to make over. Put up one pint of rich grape wine and another pint of currant for the sick one, and sent a little handful of dried apples for the sick one's table."
Her giving came from the heart, as is evident in many entries, such as the following:
March 1. "I rode down to the city, and purchased a few things. Bought a little dress for Sister Rattell's babe. Came to the office, assisted them a little there, then came home to dinner. Sent the little articles to Sister R. Mary Loughborough sends her another dress, so she will do very well now. O that all knew the sweetness of giving to the poor, of helping do others good, and make others happy! Lord, open my heart to do all in my power to relieve those around me."
One can but marvel at the spirit of kindness and love shown, not only to her own household and neighbors, but to all of the household of faith. And her ministry for others was in addition to carrying heavy burdens in delivering the heaven-sent messages for the church and sharing the responsibilities carried by her husband.
This little black diary carries us back in memory to the scenes and incidents so vividly pictured, and for the time we seem to forget that more than seventy-five years have passed since my mother penned this illuminating record of her life of humble routine, as well as of her public labors.